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You May Not Understand Now Why God Allowed Your Pain, But You Will One Day! 

10/27/2012

10 Comments

 
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The most vulnerable time for me in my life was when “I Do” turned into “I Don’t”. I felt as if my skin was stripped away from my body and every noise, word, opinion, smile, frown or thought was like someone touching my open flesh and the best way to describe that felling is to simply say “It Hurts”.  That was my lowest point in life and it wasn't solely, because of the marriage “It was about ME”. Oh how I want to blame him right now, because he did hurt me, but to be honest it wasn't even about him. I was giving a person/human being way to much credit and that’s what we do when we're lost and in need of inner healing. We blame others for all our pain, even though sometimes they do deserve it, but that’s the coward’s way out and that’s the way of holding onto a lot of hurt and pain. Taking your responsibility for the situation is like a way of forgiveness. It eliminates what I call the “Blame, Shame and Anger Game".

Have you ever heard of the saying the straw that broke the camel’s back, well my divorce was that straw and it broke me, but it broke me, so I had no other choice, but to rebuild me. What I thought was God scolding me, was actually God loving me more than I loved myself. He was looking down at me and saying look at my daughter, she is “oh so broken”, she doesn't know if she should love or hate, she is so confused, using everyday gestures to fuel what she’s missing like a hug, touch, embrace and allowing them to medicate her brokenness. She has lost herself in her role and can’t seem to find her way out. Why won't she call on me, so I can help her?  She’s so stubborn.  So,here I go. This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you. Do you remember those words when you were children; those are the words your parents would say right before the punishment or as my brother call it “The Beat Down” and just like that he opened my eyes and my world came crumbling down.

So it was at this point that I thought he left me, because I was faced with “I Do” turning into “I Don’t”. I was going through a living hell, because he was showing me everything I couldn't see or refuse to see for years, so there was times he would give me a dose of reality and I would feel like someone was touching my raw skin and then the pain would go away and I would feel OK. I get it now. During the times he would open my eyes he would let me experience the pain, so I wouldn't forget what it felt like; then he would hold me in his arms and whisper in my ear, words that would comfort my soul. Like you’re strong, you’re going to get through this, you have to figure out who you are, but you must call on me “Chloe”. I need you to call on me. One morning I woke up and those of you that read my book know what comes next. I checked on my children looked in the mirror and couldn't even stand or believe that the reflection looking back was me and I fell to the floor and cried “Lord why, help me, I need you, I need you Lord” and to make a long story short this was the day I called confronting me, but now I realize it was actually the day “God Confronted Me and the healing begin”, because I called on him and made him first and he rewarded me with inner peace. 



Chloe Womack


The Lord created me in a marvelous way.

He gave me a smile to share with others..
He gifted me with a cheerful spirit…
He allowed me to be made whole through the Sacrifice of His Son.
and then He walked with me in a sad place and brought me out. 


10 Comments
Natasha
10/27/2012 11:52:09 am

Although my story is alot different I can truly understand where you are coming from. Keep doing what you are doing, there is somebody out here that needs these very words. God bless you....

Reply
Chloe
10/27/2012 11:55:11 am

Thank You Natasha!!!

Reply
Iesha Bryant
10/27/2012 11:59:32 am

I have a Hate/Love relationship w/ you when it comes to your blogs,I feel like they shouldn't end,my goodness! Capture your audience,and keeps me wanting more....Love It & "I DO"!!!!!!

Reply
Chloe
10/27/2012 12:11:21 pm

I'm sorry Iesha!!! Thanks for always supporting me!!!

Reply
Iesha Bryant
10/27/2012 12:17:31 pm

I can never Thank YOU enough,and this is not support,this is therapy....You have a way of catching my attention just in the nick of time,and reassuring me that GOD works in mysterious ways......Be 4ever Blessed & Enjoy The Rest of Your Night!

Reply
Chloe
10/27/2012 12:27:16 pm

You just let me know I'm on the right track, my goal is not to create followers but to create believers, believers in spirituality and believers in "SELF".. You made my evening!!! Xo

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Jada
10/27/2012 01:36:06 pm

Chloe this is so true. I just went through a Divorce and I lost myself for awhile when i was married.I have to say divorcing my ex was the Greatest Thing I Could Have Ever Done for Me and My Children.I learned I am Stronger than I thought I was and I have discovered JADA again. Thank you for sharing and Be Blessed.

Reply
Chloe
10/27/2012 02:13:58 pm

Thanks Jada!!! It's amazing the things that we hold onto thinking it's for all the right reasons, but it's blocking us from becoming who we are truly meant to be..

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Wan
10/27/2012 02:52:30 pm

Thank you Chloe...I happened to be reading the status for "Yes I am my sister's keeper", and saw the info about your blog. I am in a similar place-I have been divorced about a year... it was time for me to grow and him to grow up. I knew that staying for the children was not the best, and I was so tired of being in marriage that exhausted me. He left me in debt and is still not working to his potential to at least help take or give more help to his children. However, he is living with someone with children (and he didnt take care of the one he had). I gave until the point where I started having what I thought was chest pains, but it turned out to be panic attack episodes. He said I was his energy and rock, but he drained me. So now I am searching for my spiritual place, and trying to realize that his spiritual journey is his business. I have a part of me that wants him to apologize, but I am in the process of learning that it will be okay if I never get it. This blog touched me so because I so feel right now, the place where you are at. I am in a relationship with a sweet man, but it is a process. I just want inner peace....I want to be able to look at my ex and not feel a tug of hurt or disappointment. Thank you for sharing your honesty...it has been a gift to me.

Reply
Chloe
10/28/2012 12:13:30 am

First let me say thank you Wen and I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to read my blog.. Your comment brought back memories. I also had panic attacks and ended up in the hospital. You are definitely on the right path by seeking spirituality because it was in my personal walk with him that I became strong. It's an amazing thing when you can look at someone who has caused you pain and feel nothing but love..

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    Chloe Womack is the name, and I'm living my life like it's GOLDEN. Too bad I can't sing! God has blessed me with a host of other talents to make up for it. I'm an Author, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Radio Host. So why did I decide to write a Blog? Because there are so many other parts of Chloe that I would like to share. Sometimes I just want to take off the work clothes, and makeup and just be me. So here it is, WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

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