Have you ever heard of the saying the straw that broke the camel’s back, well my divorce was that straw and it broke me, but it broke me, so I had no other choice, but to rebuild me. What I thought was God scolding me, was actually God loving me more than I loved myself. He was looking down at me and saying look at my daughter, she is “oh so broken”, she doesn't know if she should love or hate, she is so confused, using everyday gestures to fuel what she’s missing like a hug, touch, embrace and allowing them to medicate her brokenness. She has lost herself in her role and can’t seem to find her way out. Why won't she call on me, so I can help her? She’s so stubborn. So,here I go. This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you. Do you remember those words when you were children; those are the words your parents would say right before the punishment or as my brother call it “The Beat Down” and just like that he opened my eyes and my world came crumbling down.
So it was at this point that I thought he left me, because I was faced with “I Do” turning into “I Don’t”. I was going through a living hell, because he was showing me everything I couldn't see or refuse to see for years, so there was times he would give me a dose of reality and I would feel like someone was touching my raw skin and then the pain would go away and I would feel OK. I get it now. During the times he would open my eyes he would let me experience the pain, so I wouldn't forget what it felt like; then he would hold me in his arms and whisper in my ear, words that would comfort my soul. Like you’re strong, you’re going to get through this, you have to figure out who you are, but you must call on me “Chloe”. I need you to call on me. One morning I woke up and those of you that read my book know what comes next. I checked on my children looked in the mirror and couldn't even stand or believe that the reflection looking back was me and I fell to the floor and cried “Lord why, help me, I need you, I need you Lord” and to make a long story short this was the day I called confronting me, but now I realize it was actually the day “God Confronted Me and the healing begin”, because I called on him and made him first and he rewarded me with inner peace.
The Lord created me in a marvelous way.
He gave me a smile to share with others..
He gifted me with a cheerful spirit…
He allowed me to be made whole through the Sacrifice of His Son.
and then He walked with me in a sad place and brought me out.