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Envy Doesn't Look Good on YOU

4/17/2018

I always try to speak from a place of knowledge about a situation or experience. When it comes to "Envy and Jealousy" I can speak from both. The color green is one of my son's favorite colors. Green isn't particularly one of my favorite colors, but I love generating income and of course money is green, so I won't block my blessings (There's power in the tongue). But, theres nothing worse than that green eyed monster of jealousy. Where does that phrase "Green eyed monster" comes from anyway?

Ok, let's not get side tracked. In my twenties and thirties I suffered from envy, big time. Now, that I sit back and think about it. My envy and jealousy held me back from a lot of opportunities. When we're jealous we tend to overthink and become very controlling. We don't think about what we could learn from someone who's in the position we wish to be in. We begin to make up false dialogue's in our head about why we don't like someone or what they're doing. I told you guys once before, I keep it 100. When we start to exhibit jealousy we quickly start sniffing out a problem that isn't there. Not to get off my last statement, but do you know medical practitioners are starting to link jealousy and envy to "Stress and Alzheimer's in women?" and we all know stress is a silent killer.

Ok, so how do we help get that little green eyed monster under control?

1. Start surrounding yourself with GREAT people. People that are doing better than yourself. Get in the habit of congratulating your friends and people you see doing what you wish to do or simply out there living their life to the fullest. Nothing kills a bad habit like positivity.

2. When in doubt work on your self-esteem. Like I always said "Self-Esteem" is the foundation. It's normally the root cause of "MOST" situations. When you're comfortable with who and what you are, you don't normally play the comparison game. You're normally grounded in your self worth. People with good self-esteem normally know, just because your light is shining bright doesn't take away from my light. It actually adds value to me if I'm surrounded by you.

3. NO APPROVAL NEEDED. Stop seeking approval. When we seek approval, we're telling the world we need their stamp of approval to feel like we're doing something or to feel accomplished. How is this linked to jealousy? Because, we must become ok with where we are in life as we continue to work on where we want to be, without the need to seek approval from our equal peers. And I believe we're all equal to each other. Someone may be more experienced than you, but it doesn't make them better than you. In the day and age of social media we feel the need to keep up with what we're told is the latest and greatest trend or who is the latest and greatest person.

4. Detach. Learn to detach yourself from the world every now and then. Honestly, learn how to detach yourself at least once a day. I love prayer and meditation. I also like dancing and singing (Nope, I can't sing, but it doesn't stop me from literally killing a Beyonce song.. Literally) Do something that doesn't require too much thinking. Meditation allows me to embrace the silence. It allows me to refocus and reenergize my mind, body and spirit.

5. Jealousy is normally a sign of something that needs to be dealt with internally. We must learn to "Self Check". We must learn to dig deep when we realize we have these feelings. I love to tell my clients, learn to self check, so the world don't have to do it for you. Get rid of "social expectations". Sometimes we have to get rid of learned behaviors and beliefs that simply do us no justice. Pay attention to your reaction to other people's success. Example. we normally envy those who are most like us. Envy is often shameful. If you're trying to figure out if you're being envious about something. Simply ask yourself would you express your thoughts and feeling out loud. Normally the answer is "NO". If we can become more aware of it, we can normally learn how to deal with it.

5. Gratitude. What's the solution to most of our bad habits, simply doing the opposite. Practice gratitude. Get those journals out and start writing. Write what you're grateful for on daily basis. When we focus on our own garden, we normally start to appreciate and love our own growth, because we know what work was put into it. When we start to focus on someone else's garden we lose respect for own.

Author: Chloe Womack
New Release Coming: January 2021 "Becoming Your Dream Woman"
Founder: Yes, I Am My Sisters Keeper
Website:www.chloewomack.com
Instagram: I_amchloewomack
Twitter: I_amchloewomack
Facebook: Yes I Am My Sisters Keeper
Background History: Mentor, Speaker, Writer and Coach
Human Resource Manager/Specialist for: Salvation Army and Dealertrack

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Taking Control!

8/24/2015

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For the last 6 years I've been on a journey. A journey on becoming the best me possible and during this journey I continue to learn a lot about myself and others. My outlook on certain situations continue to change as my mind continues to grow. When I started my journey I was just looking to help others as I helped myself. I wanted to share what I've learned, because I was hurting and I knew there was millions of other women going through what I was going through too. My life became an open book and although I was becoming successful at what I was trying to accomplish in life. I was at square one again. Losing myself doing something I loved. As crazy as it may sound, you can lose yourself in your passion if you don't have some type of balance.

Now, I don't believe we can ever totally master each and every part of our lives, but we can become good at trying to. I strongly believe that the biggest part of "Controlling your life" is becoming "Accepting" of it. We have to become accepting of each and every area of our life. We have to accept that we can't make others think the way we think (and we shouldn't try). We have to accept where we are and own it to get up out of it. I remember seeing myself on Dr. Oz and wanting to cry my brains out, because my reality was staring me in the face. I had gained an overwhelmingly amount of weight and although I knew it, I was comfortable with it. Well, not really. But if I wasn't comfortable with it I would have accepted, owned it and took the necessary steps to change it a long time ago. To make a long story short after my pity party for one. I decided to make a change in this area of my life. I started out doing everything the wrong way, with pills and diets and gained every ounce back and then some. Eventually, I took time out to study my body and read books on health and nutrition and figured out what works for me.

I had to put in the work, but first I had to "accept" that this was my life and I created this problem and then I had to "accept" that I had some changes to make and accept the responsibility of doing so.

Chloe Womack

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Some Diamonds Shine More Than Others, Because They're Polished. Not Because They're Better.

4/29/2015

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I'm definitely not a fan of "Reality Shows", but one thing I've observed after watching and listening to people on social media talk about them is "people are starting to learn that celebrities are human just like everyone else". Some of them are hard to get along with, arrogant, needy, delusional, lacking self love and the list goes on and on. That's why so many people enjoy watching them (some not all), because people love to see people doing worse then they are. They bask in the glory of other people's downfalls and hardships, but we'll talk about that later, because I love me some "Empire" (not a reality show, but full of drama).

My last statement shows that I'm human, just like everyone else and may turn some people off, but it's okay, because I'm being true to myself. We have to learn to stop putting people on pedestals. We all have problems, we all have issues that need to be addressed. I tell my mentee's and coaching students all the time to simply take what they need from my teachings and whatever they don't like or agree with to simply discard. Don't just accept something if you don't agree with it. Challenge people, be selective with what you allow your brain to ingest and stop putting so much of your heart and soul into people's exterior. I will never claim to be perfect and I'm continually learning and that's what life is about. So don't invest to much time and energy in idolizing those that shine or look so well put together, because they're human. Some of us have this polished thing down to a science. Who goes to a photo shoot looking like what they been through. Not I, If I'm going to a photo shoot, I'm going to look beat to the God's (beautiful) and slayed from head to toe. If I'm giving a speech I'm not going to engulf the audience with my trials, but how I got over them. So when people give you a dose of their everyday attitude or reality, don't be disappointed. Most people never claim to be perfect, we just assume they are, because they're always shining like a diamond when the doors open and the lights are flashing.

Chloe Womack

Live, laugh and love

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Speaking Life

4/8/2015

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Ladies and Gents, it's extremely important to speak "Life" into yourself. I remember when I first started on this journey and one of my beautiful sister friends started telling me how every morning she wakes up and before she jumps out of bed she starts to speak life into her body, preparing her for the day. She in return speaks life into her children as she wakes them up and I automatically began to smile, because I thought it was so cool. This was one of the moments I talked about in my book, when you start to seek knowledge of self and step outside of the proverbial box, God will put some pretty amazing people in your path.
What a lot of African American women aren't aware of is knowledge of where they come from and their ancestors. Our ancestors were Queens of speaking life into their families, tribes and communities. Women are natural nurtures.Women of all RACES. I have watched my share of slavery movies and I must say the things that sticks out the most to me is the spirit of the people. No matter what was going on. We were continuously speaking life into ourselves and into our people. Oh you thought that was just good ole slave mentally or mumbo jumbo. No, they were giving themselves and others a word or words to help get them through the day. They were already in hell, so they were singing and speaking their way to heaven and it worked.
Every morning when I rise. I first and foremost give God thanks for waking me up and for every single thing I have in my life "Big and small". I then follow up with prayer and meditation and as I start my day I speak "Life" into myself and my son and then those in my mentoring group and facebook. I not only speak life, I listen for life to be spoken into me too. I read, I listen to audio books and videos. I control my day by my thoughts and in return the universe gives me sunshine even when the storms are rolling.

Learn to speak life!

Love Always Chloe Womack

Live, laugh love

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Let Me Give You A Dose of What I Know

4/3/2015

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I know that life is like writing a new book every second. Every second that pass is a second that we will never get back, the time that it takes me to write this blog will never be given to me again. So life is basically a series of making the right choices in every second of your life, enjoying each second and acknowledging within a blink of an eye, that part of your life before the blink is now considered your past.

Now that we got that out of the way, i'll give you a second dose of what I know. I know that with each chapter we have the ability to create whatever we want. We can write a bunch of drama, a bunch of hardships, depression, motivation, wisdom, winning, hustling or whatever we choose, but the choice is up to us. It's not about what's going on around you. it's about what you choose to focus on and allow to control you. We have to learn that even when we're going through hell, we have to mentally keep our mind focused on heaven. How do you do this? Simply change your focus. Pray your way through it, not by saying lord take it away, but "Guide me, strengthen me, strengthen my sight and repeating I can do all things through you who strengthens me (my absolute favorite words I utter every morning). Walk in the direction of your dreams and goals.

And last but not least, I know that when it comes to my dreams goals and life in general there is a "No Judgement Zone". Of course people are going to judge and we can't stop them from doing it and nor should we try. Simply don't acknowledge it. Most people will sit in misery, poverty and anguish simply because of fear of failing and caring what others will say. Life simply accepts us at our own value, meaning we set our value. We're responsible for what we choose to acknowledge. You can either sit and acknowledge those chuckling and laughing or those that tell you to get up and let's try this again.

Life can actually be pretty simple it's the way we handle or relate to the simple things that determine if life will become complex or not.

Love Always Chloe Womack

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What I Need You To UNDERSTAND

3/19/2015

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What I need you to understand is that although it may look like some of us have it all together we still struggle. What I need you to understand is no matter how secure you are, you're going to have some days that you just don't feel as smart, sexy, pretty, outgoing or accomplished. What I need you to understand is that what looks green isn't always what it seems and everything that glitters isn't gold.

What I also need you to understand is that it's really OKAY to have bad days, get upset or feel down, just don't stay there. It's totally unrealistic to think that even those that seemingly have their stuff together on the outside, don't struggle with everyday life issues. It's all about how you choose to handle it. You need a break than "Take it". You wanna scream, find a place where you won't look crazy at and let it rip (definitely not in caps on social media lol). I love showing people that I'm human and i'm flawed. I love when people say "You mean you go through that too," yes I go through it and sometimes try to go around it. There's also a place and a time for everything. So, you will never see me post what goes on in my household on social media or you will never see me post things that I think will intentionally offend others, but that's my truth and my walk. Does it make me perfect "NO", but it can look like it to those that are looking in from the outside. Remember it's our goal to let our positive energy infect those around us, so why would we broadcast the negatives in our life. I'm not a victim of anything. You're looking at VICTOR!! You always have a choice.

Chloe Womack
Author/Motivator

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www.chloewomack.com

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Taking Things Personally, Equals Handling Situations Emotionally

2/9/2015

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Sometimes I can be just a little too real with you guys, but here we go in the name of "Improvement and Growth". Back in the days you could have just called me Ms. Carl Thomas (R&B Singer) in others words Ms. Emotional. No, I wasn't emotional as in a real cry baby. I was emotional, because I took everything someone said or did personally. I could write a book on "Taking Things Personal". I wish there was a way I could go back in time, just to show you what I mean. Okay, I think I found a way, just stay with me; and here we are early 90's somewhere in my emotional little mind, watch-out here comes a thought, but why would you say that if you did't mean it, what do you mean I need to improve my work, Oh my God, did he just say he didn't like my outfit. Now let's fast forward again to 2015, because just thinking about my little emotional tantrums is DRAINING, but the crazy part of the story is I had absolutely "NO IDEA" I was taking things personally. No wonder I made so many bad choices and in some instances, seemed a little insecure.

The problem with taking things personally, is it makes you emotional and what does emotions make us do? RESPOND! Nine times out of ten it's in anger. I see this a lot on social media and when I first started my website and Facebook page I was bombarded with people's opinions and thoughts. At first I didn't know how to respond, so I responded from a place of emotion. You know who loves to respond from a place of emotion? The EGO! Our ego loves having the last word, defending our craft and setting people straight. How dare you tell me my thoughts aren't valid. I'm going to show you. Yeah, taking things personal can make you write a check your behind can't cash.

Instead of enjoying what I was doing I became emotional and felt the need to constantly defend my thoughts and craft and who's fault was that, nobody's but my own. I wasn't mature enough to not take things personally. No, let me rephrase that, I wasn't knowledgeable enough to know how not to take things "Personally" so I responded the best way I knew how and that was with my emotions. I cringe when I see a celebrity walk down this path, because I personally know how fast it can happen. I think everyone in media should have to take a class in "Not Taking Things PERSONALLY".

Ok, so now that we know we shouldn't take things personally how do we get off the roller coaster:

1.Pause, stop assuming. Stop assuming everything is about you. I love this saying "If it don't apply let it fly" and even if it does apply and you're guilty, stop letting the thoughts and opinions of others take root in your soul. If you need to make necessary adjustments, just do it.

2.SHIFT, tame the emotional beast. When you choose to take things personal you're taking what someone said or did to how you feel. Yup, transferring of energy in full effect. We all know "Hurt People, Hurt People". Take into consideration where or whom the message is coming from. The words that come out of someone else's mouth is rarely truly about you. It's their opinion of you and we all know that's none of our business.

3.SPEAK UP! If you truly feel insulted, say something, but say it intelligently. Respond from a place of resolution, not anger. When we speak from the Ego we feel the need to defend who we are and respond from a place of anger.

4.YOU DON'T NEED NO STINKING APPROVAL! (in my bad girl voice). Just because someone disagree with you, doesn't mean you did something wrong. Their thoughts, their opinions, their RIGHT!!!

Chloe Womack

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So You Want To Be A Leader

1/22/2015

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There are so many books in reference to being a leader, but the best books to date are those that thoroughly explain the question that most of us have in reference to being a leader. How does one person fail at leading and the other person is a complete success. I think the biggest mistake people make is thinking that a title makes a person a leader. That couldn't be the furthest from the truth. Warren Bennis said it best "The most dangerous leadership myth is that leaders are born-that there is a genetic factor to leadership. That’s nonsense; in fact, the opposite is true. Leaders are made rather than born".

The best definition I was given in reference to being a leader was " To be a leader you have to be able to engage, plan and attack goals". Sounds about right to me, but one of my English Professors use to always say "if you truly understand the meaning of something you'll be able to translate said meaning in your own words". So when I'm asked what my definition of a great leader is I give my own version "Being a leader is simply someone who has the ability to promote the vision, but also have the skills to help motivate others to achieve the goal and allowing others to become leaders in the process".

You see, being the leader doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to properly lead. All the great leaders know that great leadership is about empowering. Empowering your team, clients, children, friends and family. A great leader knows that he or she doesn't have to be in the front lines screaming "I am the leader and do as I say". A great leader also knows how to step away and let others utilize their talents and gifts in the areas they're lacking. Why hire someone who's just as bad as you in English to be your assistant and draft your memo's and important documents. Yes, you hire the best of the best in that area. True leaders know that when you lead properly you are investing your time and skills in someone whom you expect in return to combine their knowledge and skills and one day surpass you. Yes, I said surpass you. It's okay if you don't get it. It's a maturity skill you will one day acquire.

One thing you must remember is the foundation of leadership must exist first.

This week I decided to focus on the 4 foundations of a good leader and the first quality is "Maturity".

Maturity

Maturity is one of the essential ingredients of leadership.

One thing we have all learned is age is no guarantee of maturity. Maturity is made up of: integrity, empathy, strength, services, time management, communication, planing and decision making. Maturity is one of the most important skills one must obtain to become a leader, because the word leader is so powerful and most of us can get engulfed in the ego side of the title, but a mature leaders knows leadership is an influence and not a title, status or position. leadership will become something you are more than something you do. it is not self-serving or self centered.

You must mature into your leadership skills. The leader I was last year is not the leader I am today. If I would of taken on some of the projects I wanted to or let my ego lead me into something I wasn't mature enough to handle I would be up the creek with no paddle. I was mature enough to know it wasn't my time and mature enough to seek out the knowledge and skills I was lacking. There are so many people that take on the leadership roles and they're really not ready for it. Let me list a couple of things about mature leaders

As corny as it may sound a mature leader knows there's no "I" in team.
Self Awareness - Mature leaders know their strengths and weakness
Self Regulating - Great at controlling their emotions
Empathetic - They understand the emotions of others
Motivating - Mature Leaders have passion/drive for achievement and continuous improvement
Social Skills - They are able to build a rapport with and influence others

Next week I'll be sharing the second foundation, which is DECISIVENESS.

Chloe Womack

Don't forget to like and follow me on Instagram and Twitter @ I_AmChloeWomack .
The facebook link is on the right side of the blog.

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Dear Daughter

1/16/2015

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While hanging out with a couple of friends someone asked me "Well Ms. Got it all together, out of everything you've learned about relationships what's the one main thing would you share with your daughter?" Well my first response which I made with a big smile on my face is "I'm far from having my stuff together", but I've learned somethings that help me walk my walk while I talk my talk. But a sister have a long ways to go and to answer her question I responded with "Hurt people, hurt people".

I decided years ago that I would never say anything bad about my ex husband to my children. Heck, I don't talk bad about him to anyone, because he's part of my past and every lesson there was for him to teach me I accepted, received and got over it. Here's a little side note that may help you understand this a little better "Attention goes where energy flows". If you're constantly living in your past, that's exactly where you'll stay. My thirst for growth and knowledge would never allow me to stay stagnant or live a life of mediocrity, but getting back to my answer.

Since my daughter read my work I'll speak directly to her. My Sweet Princess, hurt people, hurt people. We are only responsible for what we contribute to a relationship and should never take on the insecurities, hurt and pain of others. I'm not saying we shouldn't be supportive, but we have to be so in tuned with our mind, body and spirit to recognize a toxic relationship when we stumble upon one. Unfortunately, hurt people don't wear a sign on their faces and aren't that easy to spot until their hurt and pain start affecting your energy. I believe that we have no control over the people we attract, but I do believe we're responsible for how we allow others to deposit and make withdrawals from our mind, body and spirit. Unfortunately/fortunately I've only been in two real relationships in my entire life, but I'm also a life/living coach and have seen and heard it all in reference to relationships and one thing I know for sure is every hurt, insecure or arrogant man eventually will show you who they are, but by then most women are normally in the "Oh I love him phase and are willing to accept damaged goods instead of having to hit the dating scene again" and you know what, once you decide to stay after that you've decided to take ownership of the problem and can't blame anyone but yourself for what happens going forward.

I could of taken the easy way out and responded with some type of man bashing answer, but that's not what I try to teach my children. My goal is to raise loving, but responsible children or should I say adults. I'm at wits end with women accusing men for their problems. It's ownership time and the only way to own up to our bad choices is to become whole and knowledgeable. I challenge each and every women to make a list of everything they want in a man. Go ahead, please make your list before you read anything else. Now, take a look at that list and answer this question. Do you have the qualities you seek. If you do, I applaud you if you don't I made my point and you have work to do before you try to enter any union/relationship. We have to become the person we seek. It's nothing like getting in a relationship and depending on your mate to compensate for something you should be able to give or do yourself.

Chloe "Rocks"

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Knight In Shining Armour! Whatever!

3/25/2014

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I need someone with "MONEY", I need someone to "TAKE CARE" of me, I need someone to "GET ME" out of my situation and I "NEED" someone to "LOVE" me. No you don't! And there's no such thing as a "Knight in Shining Armour" who's going to sweep you off your feet and take care of your every need. Why would you want to give one person so much control over "YOU", when you can actually save/take care of yourself.

Sometimes we focus on the wrong things. How about using this time to focus on saving "YOURSELF" first. I personally think we put to much emphasis, thought and work into our relationship status instead of focusing on who we are as a person and what we have to offer or bring to the table. What I've come to realize, is you have to learn how to stand alone before you can stand together. I've watched women put so much emphasis on their relationships that when it fall apart they become angry and bitter. We've all seen it, especially in this day and time where you can promote any and everything on social media. I know I see it on a daily basis, at least one or two post directed to men in reference to women, giving their all and then being disappointed when the relationship takes a turn for the worse.

#1 It's Okay to be disappointed, but it's not Okay to be angry and bitter. Why would you be mad at someone for showing you their true colors, why would you be mad at someone for showing you they can't afford the price-tag that comes with being with you. No I'm not talking about a financial price-tag I'm talking about the price-tag of respect, love and trust.

#2 Love yourself enough to know the actions of others have nothing to do with you, but also love yourself enough to take inventory. When we fail a test, we automatically look for the right answers. RIGHT!! We'll the same goes for anything else in life. Take responsibility for allowing certain people and things in your life, then take responsibility for the role you played.

#3 It's your world GIRL!!! Yes, it's your world, so pick yourself up and seek out the positive energy that you need to keep focused.

#4 Focus on "YOU", now is the time to become the person you want to be with. Yes, it may sound strange, but try it. Date yourself, spoil yourself, honor yourself. Teach others how to treat you, by your actions not your words.

Chloe Womack

C.E.O of "Yes I Am My Sisters Keeper" and Chloe Womack Inc. "Life/Living Coach"

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Chloe Womack is the name, and I'm living my life like it's GOLDEN. Too bad I can't sing! God has blessed me with a host of other talents to make up for it. I'm an Author, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Radio Host. So why did I decide to write a Blog? Because there are so many other parts of Chloe that I would like to share. Sometimes I just want to take off the work clothes, and makeup and just be me. So here it is, WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

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